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Plague 2020#4
How are you, friends? Please write a short post, even if it's just, "I'm alive and the world is one fire."
It's been almost a month again since my last post. I really do mean to post more regularly, but nothing really happens and time gets away from me. I keep thinking it's still March, but it's the middle of May already ...
I had a few weeks where I definitely felt overwhelmed with gloom and despair, but then I decided I need something really lighthearted to read, and so I have started rereading one of my favorite series from childhood, the Chalet School books. For the last few nights I've not even watched anything, just read. I've finished the first 3 and am onto #4. I’m enjoying them tremendously, and they really help me take myself out of the current shitshow that this world has become. Today I saw a new graph which says that although the total cases in the U.S., are still increasing, that is a result of increased testing and that the percentage of positives is actually decreasing. The first hopeful thing I’ve read in about a million years. Of course we are about to undo it all with reopening.
I'm still working at home. Surprisingly, OSU had decided to keep the campus “closed to visitors” until July 7, so I will probably (but who knows) be home until at least then, and I may be able to stay home longer with a note from my dr. saying that I’m high risk. I do want to keep my job, since E said that at his faculty meeting yesterday the chair mentioned the possibilities of furloughs. E is tenured, so it is unlikely, especially because there are five new untenured profs in his department who would go first. But still, things are so uncertain, I don’t want to take a “Go ahead and fire me, I'm not coming back to the office” attitude. I want keep on everyone’s good side, work hard and keep my bloody job safe. And since we are money makers for the university, and I’m a top producer, I think my job *is* relatively safe, as long I keep being a good little worker bee. Sigh. What time to live in.
It's been almost a month again since my last post. I really do mean to post more regularly, but nothing really happens and time gets away from me. I keep thinking it's still March, but it's the middle of May already ...
I had a few weeks where I definitely felt overwhelmed with gloom and despair, but then I decided I need something really lighthearted to read, and so I have started rereading one of my favorite series from childhood, the Chalet School books. For the last few nights I've not even watched anything, just read. I've finished the first 3 and am onto #4. I’m enjoying them tremendously, and they really help me take myself out of the current shitshow that this world has become. Today I saw a new graph which says that although the total cases in the U.S., are still increasing, that is a result of increased testing and that the percentage of positives is actually decreasing. The first hopeful thing I’ve read in about a million years. Of course we are about to undo it all with reopening.
I'm still working at home. Surprisingly, OSU had decided to keep the campus “closed to visitors” until July 7, so I will probably (but who knows) be home until at least then, and I may be able to stay home longer with a note from my dr. saying that I’m high risk. I do want to keep my job, since E said that at his faculty meeting yesterday the chair mentioned the possibilities of furloughs. E is tenured, so it is unlikely, especially because there are five new untenured profs in his department who would go first. But still, things are so uncertain, I don’t want to take a “Go ahead and fire me, I'm not coming back to the office” attitude. I want keep on everyone’s good side, work hard and keep my bloody job safe. And since we are money makers for the university, and I’m a top producer, I think my job *is* relatively safe, as long I keep being a good little worker bee. Sigh. What time to live in.
So for a few years now, really since I’ve met/found my brother, I’ve felt like this was all I need, and that I’d be OK with dying now. And now I’m realizing that I’m not really OK with it. I want to stay alive, if only to find out what happens. How does this covid story end? Do we find a vaccine and/or way to treat it? Does the world ever go back to crowded restaurants and shopping and travelling? Will I get to go to museums again? I really want to know.
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Meanwhile we are well. I am pretty much recovered from having had "it" at the end of March, but it's been a long haul. I do find myself getting more tired than usual. Longing and longing to be able to see my mother and go to the country again, and longing to see my grandsons. Neither of which is yet possible, but I'm hoping in another few weeks.
I am sure that in a year or so we will have forgotten all about this, and life will be back to normal!
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I'm up to Book 7 on chalet - I have 20 or 30, I think, I may just re-read them all!
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- I am being well-behaved (moderately) in my work environment to try to minimise the chance of being sacked or stood down
- I realise I still want to live a while longer :-)
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My company is one that is weirdly benefiting a smidge from Covid, so I've been actively hiring, and I already worked from home mostly. So my life got crazier, but I'm not really feeling the lockdown. I think I got used to being home all the time in the cancer years and now it's just...meh?
The worst for me so far is family stuff - I had been going up to check on my parents every 3-4 months for the last couple of years, and I can't now. Dad's health is failing - he was in and out of the hospital with huge kidney stones, a blocked ureter and a major infection right through the middle of march. Mom's alzheimer's is progressing - in the last few months she has forgotten how to use all of the appliances, so dad is learning to "cook" for the first time at 79. My sister and I are super high risk because of chemo, and I have the added bonus of this stupid staph infection. We are both really worried about what we're going to do when something goes wrong for them.
No clue what the new normal will look like. One positive thing I'm looking forward to is how these constraints are going to impact the arts. Everything's breaking now, but creators are going to find a way to keep doing their thing and I think we'll see some cool stuff come out of it.
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I am really curious to see how infections do in the next two weeks. On Sunday we went to Atwoods (a hillybilly Lowe's) and a tractor store to get a few things, and NOBODY had on facemasks except us. Lowe's parking lot was overflowing with maskless people. Sigh.