Plague 2020#8
Aug. 3rd, 2020 08:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geowenchRemember back in March when we thought maybe we'd be able to travel again come summer? Hahahahasob. We're spending the week in a cabin in the Arbuckle Mountains since vacationing in Europe is out of the question this summer. We got here around 2:30, unloaded and took a nap. When we woke up, I made dinner (sausages, bread, slaw) and then we read for awhile and now E is in the bedroom and I'm out in the living room sitting right up at the AC unit with a bottle of ice shoved down my britches, trying to keep cool. And it's not even that hot today, but the cabin is pretty warm.
So to back up to last week - we interviewed 6 people and it was even more exhausting than anticipated. On the plus side there was one candidate that was by far the cream of the crop and the whole committee agreed she was the one, so hopefully she'll accept. On Wed, I got an email from SEARCH (the arch firm) and said they wanted to progress with another interview. I was shocked, figuring they'd written me off, given it was like 6 weeks prior that I'd had the first interview. So I interviewed on Thursday afternoon. There were 3 women, two of them editors and they asked me a bunch of pretty silly questions like could I do headers and footers and use track changes and did I like to import images or use links. It became pretty clear to both them and me that I am way overqualified for this job and I realized that I don't want to spend 8 hours a day at home alone formatting documents (not even writing them or even really doing much editing, just formatting), even it is for an archeology firm. So I told them I couldn't quit my job (using our year in Prague as a reason why I was obligated to stay throughout 2020 at least) but I'd be willing to try part time or on a contract basis. But really, I don't even want to do that, it just sounds too bloody boring.
And so between interviewing people to add to the team to do my current job and interviewing for a possible archeology (but not really arch) position for myself, I came to the rather astonishing realization that I quite like my job. I'm good at it, I'm appreciated, it pays reasonably well, I have an enormous amount of freedom, and well ... most of the time I actually enjoy doing it.
On another note entirely, my anxiety has been really high, since returning to work full time. This is because of COVID, not the job itself. Every evening my chest gets tight and I think I'm coming down with COVID. Then I go to bed and manage to get to sleep (alcohol and Benadryl are my good buddies) and wake up feeling much better and then I do it all over again the following day. It's high summer and grass pollens (to which I am crazy allergic) are quite high, and so I'm sure that's what's screwing with my lungs every day, but even though I know it rationally, it still terrifies me every evening. Feeling particularly anxious tonight because I haven't had any booze to take the edge off. I'll probably take a Benadryl in a bit - I tend to alternate, so I don't get too dependent on either.
I am aware and very grateful that we have it easier than so many, but the constant anxiety is really getting to me. Knowing that the anxiety is actually appropriate and that there isn't much I can do to change things used to make it easier to bear, but lately it seems to make it worse. I feel for my friends to who live alone or who in unhappy relationships and for those who are struggling financially. It's a hard time for everyone. And I'll continue to hang in there because there's not really any other choice.
So to back up to last week - we interviewed 6 people and it was even more exhausting than anticipated. On the plus side there was one candidate that was by far the cream of the crop and the whole committee agreed she was the one, so hopefully she'll accept. On Wed, I got an email from SEARCH (the arch firm) and said they wanted to progress with another interview. I was shocked, figuring they'd written me off, given it was like 6 weeks prior that I'd had the first interview. So I interviewed on Thursday afternoon. There were 3 women, two of them editors and they asked me a bunch of pretty silly questions like could I do headers and footers and use track changes and did I like to import images or use links. It became pretty clear to both them and me that I am way overqualified for this job and I realized that I don't want to spend 8 hours a day at home alone formatting documents (not even writing them or even really doing much editing, just formatting), even it is for an archeology firm. So I told them I couldn't quit my job (using our year in Prague as a reason why I was obligated to stay throughout 2020 at least) but I'd be willing to try part time or on a contract basis. But really, I don't even want to do that, it just sounds too bloody boring.
And so between interviewing people to add to the team to do my current job and interviewing for a possible archeology (but not really arch) position for myself, I came to the rather astonishing realization that I quite like my job. I'm good at it, I'm appreciated, it pays reasonably well, I have an enormous amount of freedom, and well ... most of the time I actually enjoy doing it.
On another note entirely, my anxiety has been really high, since returning to work full time. This is because of COVID, not the job itself. Every evening my chest gets tight and I think I'm coming down with COVID. Then I go to bed and manage to get to sleep (alcohol and Benadryl are my good buddies) and wake up feeling much better and then I do it all over again the following day. It's high summer and grass pollens (to which I am crazy allergic) are quite high, and so I'm sure that's what's screwing with my lungs every day, but even though I know it rationally, it still terrifies me every evening. Feeling particularly anxious tonight because I haven't had any booze to take the edge off. I'll probably take a Benadryl in a bit - I tend to alternate, so I don't get too dependent on either.
I am aware and very grateful that we have it easier than so many, but the constant anxiety is really getting to me. Knowing that the anxiety is actually appropriate and that there isn't much I can do to change things used to make it easier to bear, but lately it seems to make it worse. I feel for my friends to who live alone or who in unhappy relationships and for those who are struggling financially. It's a hard time for everyone. And I'll continue to hang in there because there's not really any other choice.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 05:01 am (UTC)For me, it would feel good to have gotten a second interview for the Arch firm, even if the job isn't really attractive enough to make you want to take it. Being appreciated - as you are in your current job - would be very high on my list of desirable job qualities. It seems the only reason to move to the archeology firm would be for the possibility that you might be able to move into a better position there. But for a risk averse person like me, I'd certainly be staying put and telling the archeologists to call you back when they're offering something better suited to your skills!
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-06 03:47 pm (UTC)That comment above about Turner Falls is making me miss the fried pies place along the highway near then. I always had to stop there when I passed by!
Yeah, it's so sad thinking about the trips I had planned! I keep getting emails from the airlines that make me much more nervous. Some are no longer distancing passengers. Some are lessening their cleaning regimens... It makes me wonder if the airlines are just gambling that people won't get sick because they want to make more money. Like surely, if a bunch of people get sick they're going to get sued or something, right? This definitely doesn't seem like the time to let go of safety as many states are on the rise with cases...
no subject
Date: 2020-08-06 08:03 pm (UTC)Have you seen any Hannah Gadsby? She has a bit about being introduced to "my tribe" (ie the gay community) via Pride, and is all, "Where do the quiet gays go?" which also made me think of you.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-07 04:22 pm (UTC)I haven't seen Gadsby beyond a few short interviews, but that definitely sounds like me. haha I still haven't figured out where the quiet gays go... Confession, though: I've only ever sort of been to Pride once and that's when I was hurrying home from work and accidentally crossed the street through a parade in Alaska.